Ten years ago, I received a phone call that changed everything. 

My beautiful Mum was suddenly, critically ill. It had only been six months since we celebrated her 75th birthday. She seemed well. I was looking forward to seeing her in a few weeks. 

Instead, I went numb with shock. 

We were living on different continents. By the time I reached her bedside a few days later, hospital staff told us there was no sign of brain activity. I was under enormous pressure to decide whether to turn off life support. 

At the same time, my stepfather and I were asked repeatedly whether she wanted to donate her organs. 

There was nothing on her driver’s license. Nothing in her medical record. 

We simply didn’t know. 

We had never talked about it. 

The weight of that uncertainty was devastating. Mum had died — and I hadn’t asked her so many important questions. 

The Gift Mum Left Us 

When it came to organising Mum’s funeral, the experience was completely different. 

Unbeknown to me, she had prepared a detailed funeral plan. She had paid in advance and clearly documented her wishes — the church to contact, the hymns she wanted sung, that she wanted to be cremated, and where her ashes were to be laid. 

It was an extraordinary gift. 

There was no guesswork. No family tension. No wondering if we were “getting it right.” 

In the middle of emotional turmoil, I could move into practical action knowing I was honouring her wishes. We were able to focus on celebrating her life instead of being overwhelmed by decisions. 

That written plan was a blessing. 

Why Conversations About Dying Matter 

I have since watched friends blindsided by sudden loss, just as we were. The shock of death is traumatic enough. Not knowing how someone wanted to be cared for, remembered, or farewelled adds another layer of distress. We see this with some of our beautiful home care clients. It has become very clear over the years that avoiding the conversation doesn’t protect our families. Clarity does. 

Death is an inevitable part of life. Talking about it is loving, responsible and deeply thoughtful. 

So, What Can We Do? 

• Start the Conversations 

Don’t wait for a crisis. In aged care we often step in when there is already a crisis. 

After Mum died, I immediately had these conversations with my dad. My husband and I have discussed our wishes — before death, at end of life, and afterwards. We have also shared them with our children. 

Yes, it made them temporarily sad. 

But we know it will bring comfort and certainty when it matters most. 

You don’t have to cover everything in one sitting. Start small: 

• “If something unexpected happened, I’d want you to know what matters to me.” 

• “Have you ever thought about what you’d want at the end of life?” 

The goal is peace of mind — for everyone. 

• Get the Practicalities in Order 

Conversations are important. Documentation gives certainty 

Consider: 

• Updating your Will and letting loved ones know where it is stored 

• Appointing Enduring Power of Attorney (financial) 

• Appointing a Medical Decision Maker and or completing an Advance Care Directive Making an Advance Care Directive – form and information booklet 

• Ensuring key contacts (solicitor, accountant, GP) are known 

• Recording organ donation preferences – ticking the box on the driving licence isn’t enough – make sure your family knows 

• Storing passwords securely and letting someone trusted know how to access them 

• Keeping a list of important relationships your family may not know about 

Review these every few years. 

This isn’t about expecting the worst. It’s about reducing chaos during crisis. 

• Document the Personal Details 

The medical and legal pieces matter — but so do the personal things that matter to you. 

• Burial or cremation? 

• Where would you like your ashes laid? 

• What tone should your service have? 

• Are there readings, prayers, poems or songs you love? 

• What should people wear? 

• Are there charities to support instead of flowers? 

Write it down. Share it verbally. Make sure the right people know. 

It removes doubt and replaces it with confidence. 

 

Planning Is a Final Act of Care 

Preparing for the end of life doesn’t take away sadness. 

But it can remove confusion, guilt and conflict. 

It allows your loved ones to focus on what truly matters — grieving, remembering and celebrating your life. 

And if, like me, you want ABBA songs sung at your farewell… make sure they know. 

Because even in our final chapter, your wishes and important parts of your life deserve to shine through. 

Remember, your Bethel Home Care team is here to offer you social support when you need it.